Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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