If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
