It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I could fuck to npr.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
