Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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