Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We smell like vodka and hangover
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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