i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
