idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
