they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
