We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize