The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
