Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
