Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
