The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
