I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
