Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
