I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
