So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize