ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
