Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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