she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
