My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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