so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
