So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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