i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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