Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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