Dual....:-)
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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