oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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