moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
