Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
