You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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