I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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