So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
