told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
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