Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
