I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
