I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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