Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
