I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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