You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
