She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well I just put wine in my tea
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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