Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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