so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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