I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
