Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize