Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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