I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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