We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
