They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
