Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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