Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
