I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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