i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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