i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
