We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
