the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't deserve a penis
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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