What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
