Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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