I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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