Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
