she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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