remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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