If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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