Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
